I seemed to be dwelling on something I can't figure exactly what. Need to get this bad feeling off my chest but I can't. It it uncomfortable. It is exhausting. My brain is feeding my body, heart and soul with negativity.
Maybe... I was thinking maybe it's the blog. The blog that you did not open up to me.. I know what you're thinking.
Not again.. Is she serious.. Crazywomaning again.. I understand that it may not seem as much of a big deal to you since it happened so long ago.. but honestly---it was quite a shock for me. You probably did not have any intention of hiding it from me or showing me in the first place. It was a mistake that I found your blog. Remember you once mentioned your 10% sadness was concealed in a diary when we first started out this relationship? I'm guessing this is it. This must be your diary as i eyeballed your post titles. Honestly I have been wanting to read it ever since you told me. The urge to help you overcome all these sadness and comfort you with all my might was my top priorities. Never had i thought that it was me, partly, that caused you these miseries. And truthfully speaking, i thought that you were genuinely happy when we were together.. It's just upsetting to know that.. i wasn't enough to cheer you up.Perhaps this is not what i thought it is and they're just words punched harshly out of spite. Right? You know, the saddest part of all these was that you actually deleted a few posts. What is so secretive or depressing that you have to keep it to yourself. Are you protecting my feelings? Are you protecting yourself? If you had another chance, would you show them to me? Despite knowing I might be sad? Or delete them once more?
I want you to know that i'm writing all these not because i am angry. I am just a little sad and confused y'know. Regardless of all of these nonsense i still love you. Of course i do. Everyone is allowed to hide some feelings. Everyone has the right to keep things to themselves. I understand. I really love you. I really do.
